It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
