my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
