I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
