I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
