You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
