can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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