Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
