would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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