You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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