He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
