you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
