I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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