Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
