I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
