plz talk dirty to me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
