So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
