I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
