i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
