I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
