He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
