She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
