You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
