I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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