I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
