I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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