maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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