how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So many bounce houses so little time
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
