if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
