dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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