My boss' voice literally gives me gas
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
