therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
