There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
