Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
