I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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