we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Two words: blizzard sex
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
