Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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