the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
