So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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