What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
