I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize