Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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