it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
