how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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