Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
