I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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