He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
