How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
