They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
