all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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