we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize