You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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