U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
