She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
What a dumb baby whore.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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