Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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