so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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