I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
