Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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