until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
