How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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