UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
