weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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