got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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