if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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