my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
