You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
