I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Randomize
