1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
