I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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