Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sext me about skeletons
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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