Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
