I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
