thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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