my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
