I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
