I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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