i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
