And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
