remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The feeling are messing with the penis
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
