I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
