Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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