That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
