Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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