Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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