Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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