yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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