Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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