you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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