id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize